We were married a few years ago on the 19th of March when Oregon law had a loophole in it that essentially allowed gays and lesbians to marry. We normally celebrate our anniversary in the latter part of February as the date we met and became partners.A lesbian couple we know and love went down from Olympia, Wa. to Portland, Oregon to get formally hitched with us. At the time, they had been together for about six years and we had been together well into our twenties. What a wonderful feeling that finally we too, were going to be legally recognized as a married couple. On the drive down to Portland I was starting to experience a feeling I have not felt in a long time, butterflies, and after all this time together this feeling was back.
We arrived at a court house expecting a long line to file the appropriate paperwork and take it to a priest, pastor, or another official sanctioned to perform the final ritual the same day. Not being religious, it didn't matter who officiated and my partner, Steve felt the same way. As it turned out, the line was very short and we moved along in anticipation of being married and the euphoria of the whole event.
When we were finally, standing face to face, holding each others hands, looking into each others eyes, the emotion of the seriousness of this decision , and the genuine love of your partner looking back at you, humbled me and made me silent and in awe of this beautiful person standing in front of me loving me as much as I, him. "Do you take this man ...?" That did it. Tears were building in my eyes and I tried to say, "I do," but all I could summon was a croak, sniffle, a wipe of a tear and trying not to make a fool of myself. I did manage to say, " I do," and all the seriousness of taking this oath came flooding to me all at once. "To love, ( with all my heart, and have been for 27 years now. ) To honor, ( you bet I do, I take this very seriously. ) To obey, ( OK . . .now wait a minute, that's going a bit too far. LOL! We are in this for the long haul and our "taking the helm, is a mutual responsibility. ) Until death do you part?" ( This has been my plan and over time we started functioning as one. One unit. Not only do we love each other, but he is also my best friend. ) Well, my emotional status didn't help my love out at all. Him seeing me in what looked like pain, made him follow me off the cliff not unlike the lemming. Tears swelled up in his eyes and he croaked out an "I do, as well." Looking into his eyes and really seeing him, couldn't have made me love him more.
We were legally married for one year whilst the Reich-Wing Haters gathered money and, no doubt, favor. One year later a judge in one swipe of his pen annulled 3000 gay and lesbian couple's marriages. The day we were married was the happiest day of my life .
8 comments:
I grew up believing legal marriage would never be an option for me, that most I and a partner would have something for ourselves and our loved ones. Now that it looms as at least a possibility here, and a reality in other countries, I'm discovering how little I thought I gave it as an institution, and what it might mean to me. It's rather exciting to be looking at it. One of my best friends from college married a wonderful woman this Summer (on Vashon Island, as a matter of fact), and I actually found myself in tears about it more than once. That's not something I think has ever happened before. I can understand your butterflies.
It never entered my mind when I was younger. It was considered a disease and the act until 1973, against the law in many states until the recent Supreme Court decision that forced Texas to get rid of the one-sided sex laws. There are many who would like to see that one repealed as well.(sigh)
I have always, admired Canada for their continued forward sight in the social arena, stemming back during the Vietnam Conflict (a war by any other definition) offering a sancuary for those who did not want to fight or couldn't. ( I went to Vietnam and fought in that war in 1969 and will write about it sometime in the future on my blog. That still sounds so strange saying that I have a blog. Still getting used to it.) ;-)
It's such a small world. I used to have a few friends who lived on Vashon Island until they moved. It is a "throw-back" to the 60s with "hippies" and other peace-loving people sequestered away from the rest of the world. One notices the difference when arriving by ferry and interacting with the locals.
We've been tempted to just go to Canada and get married again but, I think the ceremony Steve and I were a part of, was real and can never be annulled by anyone. I'm still working on this one. We made sure long ago, to have our Will & Testament filled out, witnessed, and filed. There is absolutely no way our relationship can be thought of as "just good friends" or " just roommates."
I am wishing our country will stop listening to the Mr. Hagee's, Robertson's or the Falwell's and remove this type of religion out of the decision making and bring gays and lesbians par with the rest of the citizens of this country or I will always consider us "Second Class Citizens."
Many thanks for your comments.
Butch, my eyes are brimming with tears reading this. Such grace and beauty and love breathe in every word. Your marriage is as real as any ever celebrated on this earth. Bless you, my friend, and your husband.
Nicky,
Many thanks for your kind words. I found my eyes brimming with tears throughout the whole time I was writing it and had to stop a few times so I could gain control again and see what I was typing.
These are those same tears that come quickly from nowhere that you so eloquently write about. I think these are the tears of such happiness that one's chalice can't hold and overflows.
Butch, you were married in heaven's eyes with or without the blessing of the state. But your experience reminds me not to put my trust in something that can be wiped out with a stroke of someone's pen... something that is, at the end of the day, a creation of the pen.
As a citizen I believe in equal protection under law. But as a human being I believe that there is nothing the state, a profane institution, can do to legitimatize any right that I inherently posses. What the state sanctions, the state, by implication, governs.
I celebrate with you that joyous day in Portland. The only thing that judge removed was the state's ugly thumbprint from that glorious day. Your love, dedication, and joy remains.
Joe: Many thanks for your kind words. We had planned ahead when we lived in Chicago and had our "Last Wills & Testaments" drawn up by a lawyer friend and the signing witnessed by more friends. This protection was mainly to block any family member who would try and push the surviving person of this relationship out of the picture by claiming that "they were only roommates." The wording in the wills make it absolutely clear as to our relationship.
Maybe, one day we will be on par with the rest of the straight citizens of this country. One can hope.
I really like what Joe has to say here about your marriage. I was going to say that, but he said it much better than I could.
My husband and I just made it to the 25 year mark. As you feel about your husband, I, too, consider my Superman to be my best friend, a very real part of who I am, and my lover. Ha! No "roommates" here! Congratulations on your long standing committment to each other, and celebrate the fool out of it, darlin'!
Java: Congratulations on your 25 years together with your Superman!
Goodness, knows that the statistics on marriage are not very good and it is nice to see "long-term-commitmented" couples in it for the long haul.
Bless your heart for your kind words.
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