Sunday, October 12, 2008

New Stock Market Terms for the Layman.

This arrived in my email box today.
All those confusing abbreviations one has to try and remember involving the stock market are now answered in this blog entry.
Enjoy!
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NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids
get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling
lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their
pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split
your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it
disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker
for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker
who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's
now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
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9 comments:

Alan said...

BROKER -- What my broker has made me

too funnie.

I heard some say recently about Breaking News....
why is it breaking and why don't they fix it ?

Butch said...

Alan: regarding Breaking News. It's a bit overdone and after a point, one is so numb from all the "breaking news" that when some really important news needs dispensing, we all ignore it.

Alan said...

Sure is Butch...
when I see Breaking News...I just wonder... what ...Lassie's probably having puppies or something.

Butch said...

Alan: ;-) Now that would be a story worth noting since the dog(s) that played Lassie were male. ;-)

Wonder Man said...

those are pretty good

Butch said...

Wonder Man: And closer to the truth more than we want to admit. ;-)

Alan said...

Didn't you see Lassie on Oprah Butch?...he gave birth :)

Butch said...

Alan: ;-) I must have missed that show. Of course, most kids watching the Lassie show were saved the "spectacle of seeing a testicle" ( or two ) since Lassie had very long fir. ;-)

Butch said...

That of course, should be,
"fur." ( sigh... happy fingers )