Time to Pick Up the Pieces and Move Onward.

Our circle is a wee bit smaller this week due to a most unfortunate scandal that Nicky Cooper never was a real person. ( at least the one we thought we knew ) We loved him for being that kind, single young gay father with two adopted boys, wise for his age, a wonderful outlook on life, nature, and the woods he used to take us to on his tramps in many of his entries. His wonderful prose was inspiring and would bring delight to most of us with every entry.

We know now that it was Kate who penned the beautiful prose from her own heart and much of her writing was about her own son, one of a twin, who died a short while after birth named Liam. Her writing was one way of making sense to what happened in her life and she was dealing with it through her writings. Unfortunately, the woman behind the character, "Nicky" plagiarized much of Kate's material as well as some of Kate's own pictures of her husband pulling their son through the snow on a sled. Just these no-no's would bring into question a person's untrustworthy behavior. Furthermore, was the issue that Nicky, as we knew him, was fictional. What was slowly unraveling started to spin revealing one layer after another of lies, and deception. It was bound to happen as the stories changed and more lies had to be told to maintain that deception.

As it turned out, the person who created the characters of Nicky and Joel, had been reaching out for friendship, compassion, to fit into the company of gays and befriend them and other things to compensate for a personality that had been looked down upon and discouraged. This person is a female but has always felt she is a male creating Nicky at the age of six years old. This info comes third hand through Father Tony's site who has substantiated this person's identity and that what she has said on his site is true at least as much as we can try and believe it. Many thanks to Father Tony for his part in trying to get to the bottom of this debacle as well as some comments from Joe of JMG, Al of Blue Alto for his informative thoughts on this and Greg of the Midnight Garden for starting the ball rolling in our blog circle.

As I mentioned on Al's site, what may have caused this problem to manifest was her struggle with transgender issues, being raised in an area of B.C. where she came to believe "s/he" was unique, and the only one like himself, suffering greatly carrying this burthen alone. With no other outlet, I can see inventing this persona of "Nicky" saved him throughout his growing years. Nicky had mentioned he had an invisible friend whilst he was very young and perhaps, Nicky was that friend. But, it was interesting that "Nicky" was going to remain the age 26 for the rest of his life and the iteration of a similar character named Joel, as it was pointed out in another person's comments. Joe also was 26 years old. Joel was dying of leukemia and was another manifestation of hers crying out for sympathy, love and compassion. After this person was found to be a fake, that site closed down and eventually, Cooper's Corridor became the focus and Nicky became her outlet, in my opinion. I, like many, were drawn to his magnetic, and kind personality. How was one not to like Nicky?

This need of hers may be explained as a variation of Munchhausen's syndrome. We have a fictional character taking care of two boys, one, healthy and the other, sickly, and in the familiar definition of this syndrome the mother or parent makes the child sick in order to get sympathy from others for that parent's sacrifices made to make the child well again. Many times a child needs to be brought in to the hospital where they become well amazingly fast under the care of professionals. In Nicky's case, one doesn't know if the children were ever sick or were ever made sick on purpose, but the basic premise is the same. "Look at all the sacrificing I am doing to take care of my sick child."

As well as others, I too, noticed fuzzy parts in his emails and entries and parts that he would change the next time around. I recall once, he had a dog named Molly and in an email I had asked what happened to her since I had never seen any pictures of her with the boys. I eventually, received an answer that Matteo had allergies that were caused by Molly and Nicky had to leave the dog with his best friend, the one who grew up with him. I accepted that answer until there was an entry mentioning the recent addition to the family named "Bud", the dog with Dario holding him in the picture. I wondered if Nicky had forgotten the first story he told about Molly. Another was Matteo's pneumonia and all that transpired, only to read a little later Nicky taking them out in the snow or pulling a sled with him in it. ( The infamous lifted picture of Kate's husband pulling their little boy on a sled) from Kate's site that was removed along with the visiting blogger's story at another blogger's site was an example of the pictures that were lifted. ) And still another of taking a grandmotherly type babysitter with him to take care of the boys in the Yukon whilst he worked. The last time his friend Michael and his wife took care of the boys. The stories were stretched to the point of unbelievability. There were quite a few more, but I, like many, wanted to believe in him and I ignored my own defense systems. When I was practicing medicine, I used to do H & Ps ( History & Physicals ) on every new patient I would see and one usually, can see when a patient is not telling the truth by asking a lot of questions especially in different ways. One would think I should have known better to be able to spot when there was a lie. I was duped along with many others by the shy charm and well articulated prose that would come out of his blog. Kate deserves the kudos for her material, her life and all that was lifted to make the Cooper blog what it was. I will continue to drop by her blog and would encourage anyone who reads my blog to visit hers. You have already read what her writing is like and it seems sensible to read it from the source.

I thought I knew Nicky and we emailed enough that I considered him a close blogging friend. I am corresponding with her presently, to have some questions answered so I can bring about some closure in my life to this unfortunate calamity. I am not angry, I am disappointed and I feel duped, and embarrassed that I could be taken in so easily. One thing I can say, that other's have said, is I have met some very nice and decent bloggers from reading Nicky's two sites and I hope we can all continue to trust each other and not reach the point where it hampers one's blogging bringing it all to a stop through fear. I do not want to feel that way, and if it happens again, I hope I am better prepared. Perhaps, trusting too much is the problem but I would rather continue trusting until proven otherwise. Nicky has apologized to me for deceiving me and I will take it that she really means it.

May the character "Nicky Cooper" rest in peace. He was truly loved and may his creator receive the counseling she truly needs, and the compassion and peace that hopefully, follows. It's time for me to close this chapter. Thank you all for your own comments on your own sites and on others, it has helped bring this into focus for me knowing that others are feeling the same way and only want what's best for all the party's closely involved in this.

Since, Patrick has come forward to write about something painfully personal, I want you to know you have my utmost respect and there is no need for humiliation, you were led on and duped into believing in this person as we were. Never forget, you do have friends, whether they are blogger friends you've never seen before or the ones you have found to be real. You are always welcome here at Butch's Banter, always my friend.

Thanks to all of you as well. Now, on with the blogs.